Letters to Cast and Crew: Bill Compton

Dear Bill Compton,

Oh, Bill, what are we going to do with you? You seem to be having a bit of an issue juggling parenthood and romance. Jessica is a typical teenager who hates her “daddy”, and Sookie is constantly pissed off at you for something or other. You never seem to be able to gain any ground with these two women. Well never fear,my friend, help is on the way. I’m sure we could come up with some tips for you.

We’ll tackle the Jessica issue first. First of all, she’s a teenage girl, so you’re pretty much behind the eight ball right there. You might as well get used to the fact that you are the stupidest male on the face of the earth, in her book. You have a brain the size of a gnat, as far as she’s concerned, and that is not going to change, no matter what. It doesn’t help that you have left out things about her new life that she needs to know. Like now, she cries blood instead of tears. Kinda scary the first time that happens. Poor girl, thought her eyes were falling out of her head, man!

Bill tutors Jessica

Also, Bill, please, for the love of all that is holy, good and pure, do not ever go shopping for clothes without her. Dude, seriously? Because, I gotta tell you, in that area, you are truly clueless. Not to worry, for you are not alone. There isn’t a dad alive who can tackle this job successfully. Teenage girls buy there own clothes, and if you want peace in the camp once more, let her do it herself.

One more thing about Jessica, Bill, and then we’ll move on to the adult female in your life. You are from an era where teen girls were married with 5 or 6 kids running around the house while their husbands were working the fields. Picture for one nano-second, Jessica, a child of the 21st century, baking bread, with an apron tied around her waste and a baby on her hip. Alrighty then, let’s move on.

Sookie Stackhouse and Bill Compton

Sookie is the woman you love, adore, treasure, etc. This whole ‘dating the town vampire’ thing is brand new to her. She hasn’t had any good times with guys so far, so you have a lot to prove to her. Keeping secrets will not help you. Yelling at her to shut up will not win you points. Yes, I know she’s a bit whiny, but jeez, Bill, you don’t want to be on the outs with her while raising a teen.

I hope I’ve been able to make you feel a bit more competent as a parent and as a boyfriend. Hey, it’s better than what Eric and Pam did for you. But that’s another letter for another day.

Best of luck,

Liz Henderson

Figuring it out on True-Blood.net