Letters to Cast and Crew: Eric Northman

Dear Mr. Northman,

“They certainly don’t keep well.” Really? We don’t keep well? As in what? As in, refrigerate after opening or we spoil? As in stick them in a Tupperware bowl and snap shut? We don’t ‘keep’ well? My, my, Mr. N., have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? I mean, I know you’re dead and all, but once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, you were once human too. Once upon a time, you didn’t ‘keep well’ either. You didn’t keep too well in that final battle you fought before Godric found you. You looked positively moldy!

If I sound a bit miffed, you must understand that being referred to as though we were yesterday’s lunch does tend to ruffle my nickers, if you know what I mean. This isn’t Soylent Green. Please, in the future, show a little respect for the living, will ya’?

Meanwhile, there’s a rumor going around that you may have some feelings for Sookie. You seem to be going out of your way to, er, get Bill out of your way. Why is that, sweetness? You claim it’s just curiosity, but really? Why not just round-table with Sookie and Bill? Ask all the curiosity questions you like. What is it, exactly, that you’re curious about, anyway? Curious to see if she’ll ‘keep’ better than the rest of us? I’ll tell you what I’m curious about. I’d like to know why you should be so intrigued by Sookie, at the same time, be so disgusted by humans. How contradicted you must be.

You know, if you want to check out someone curious, there’s this woman who thinks she’s God? She has some odd habits and weird effects on people, but I’m sure she’ll keep well.

Saran-Wrapped on True-Blood.net,
Liz