Recap: Episode 305, ‘Trouble’

Tara: “We need to talk.”
Franklin: “Don’t say that. Women say that, everything goes black, and I wake up surrounded by body parts.”

I gotta say, my favorite part of this season so far is lunatic vampire Franklin Mott and his obsession with Tara. It’s not like this sort of thing is funny in real life, because it most certainly is not, but Franklin manages to be totally creepy and freaking hilarious at the same time. As was Tara finally figuring out that she could manipulate him, only to have it backfire on her. The supertexting had me laughing like a loon. So did Talbot treating Tara like a house cat. One of the things I love about True Blood is that you just don’t see stuff like this on television.

It’s no secret that I’m an Eric fan, and yes, I’m happy that his character is front and center this season. But this week’s developments had me going, what? The wolf stuff goes back over a thousand years? Was Russell controlling a pack of wolves that long ago? Okay, it does explain why Eric and Godric were hunting Russell back in the forties. And Eric as a human was a drinker and carouser? That scene was almost exactly like a similar one in Angel. And Eric was a king? Actually, I’m okay with that, since he looks and acts like one. But without going book spoilery or giving details, the massive differences in Eric’s backstory are really bugging me.

Anyway, moving right along. I’m not going to speculate on what Sookie’s magic purple force is because I’ve read the books, and sometimes Alan Ball goes with the book stuff and sometimes he doesn’t. But Russell seems to suspect. Bill has been unsuccessful in keeping Sookie safe from Russell. Fortunately, Eric is already in the mansion and jonesing for thousand-year-old payback. Revenge is a dish best served cold, as the Klingon proverb goes.

Alcide told Sookie, “Pack isn’t a democracy. Most weres don’t have much sense. You saw. They’re all teeth and fight and sex.” That explains why Alcide can’t see through a toxic woman like Debbie Pelt — no sense. Maybe that’s why I’m just not into the weres, even with Alcide’s indisputable hotness. He’s just not my type. Eric is my type. They’re polar opposites, in more ways than one.

I’ve figured out what’s bugging me about this season. There’s too much going on. Too many plot threads, too many characters, and with so many to cover, the ones I find really intriguing and fun aren’t getting enough screen time. Like Jessica, for example. One brief scene of her glamoring people to stiff Arlene on the tip was hilarious and so very Jessica, but that’s all we got. Plus a brief hint that Hoyt is over and Tommy Mickens might be in Jessica’s future. Tommy thinks Jessica is too hot for Hoyt. He’s probably right, but I like Hoyt. Can a vamp date a shifter? It seems like mixing species or something, like a cow dating a rabbit.

And speaking of Tommy, what has Joe Lee been doing to him? I thought at first it was physical or sexual abuse, but that doesn’t fit. I can’t remember where I read it, but someone theorized that Joe Lee has been entering Tommy in dog fights. That makes sense, and would explain all of Tommy’s terrible scars. How horrible. Actually, it’s horrible when it’s just dogs, too. Maybe Sam was lucky, after all.

Bits and pieces:

— Jason’s adventures in police work didn’t do much for me until he started going nuts with office supplies. Ryan Kwanten has a genuine gift for physical comedy.

— And on the romance front, Jason and Crystal pretty much recreated that magical Bill/Sookie scene in the woods from the pilot episode. Crystal kept talking about stuff that made it sound like she’s got a supernatural secret, too. Like everyone else in Bon Temps.

— I was more entertained by how Lafayette reacted to Jesus’ romantic pursuit. It showed us a whole new side of Lafayette. I thought his surprise and shyness was so sweet.

— That crown wasn’t silver, I suppose? It sure looked silver.

— Loved the fluffy Scarlett O’Hara nightgown.

— Eric was flirting with Talbot. I think Eric is capable of flirting with anyone.

— Russell intimated that the tiresome medieval Magister doesn’t have any real power. The Magister going down would be good. After he executes Russell, that is. And possibly Sophie Ann.

— Let’s hope Tara’s last meal isn’t at the Shoney’s in Vicksburg. I’d want an expensive Italian restaurant, at the very least, and chocolate mousse plus creme brulee.

— The estate they’re filming in is just gorgeous.

— How about if we take up a collection and send Russell and his household a case of wetnaps?

Quotes:

Talbot: (pouting) “You’re not supposed to bring work home.”
Russell: “Darling! King!”

Sookie: “I am not gonna die because of your shitty girlfriend and a Mississippi pothole.”

Eric: “You’re here of your own accord. Which means…”
Bill: “Sookie is no longer mine.”
Russell: ” A king in front of them, a queen behind them, and they’re talking about a human girl.”
Talbot: “Men.”
What did Talbot mean by “men”? Vampire men? Straight men? Straight vampire men?

Franklin: “Hey, Tara. Watch how fast I type ‘motherfucker’. It’s cool, isn’t it?”
Tara: “It’s amazing.”
Franklin: “I’ll delete it so you can watch it again.”

Terry: “This is what normal people do, Sam. They fall in love, they make each other laugh, they move in together, they raise kids, they fight over money, they get old and fat together, and it’s normal. It’s happening to me.” Poor Terry. This will not end well.

Arlene: “I never thought it would happen again. And again. And again… and that other time, too, but especially now.” Arlene really should figure out what’s causing those pregnancies. If it’s Rene’s, she doesn’t have the orgies as an excuse.

Jesus: “I’ll hang. It’s only nine hours. Nothing else to do.” What a sweetie.

Crystal: “Where’s your badge? Where’s your gun? Where’s your shirt?”

Tommy: “What’s the matter?”
Jessica: “My ex.”
Tommy: “Him? For real? He looks like he got bombed by radiation on his way to middle school. That’s a giant sixth grade boy right there.”

Franklin: “Will you be my vampire bride?”

Let’s say three out of four trips to Shoney’s in Vicksburg,

Billie
BillieDoux.com