Recap 4.3 True Blood “If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin’?”

Eric: “Would you like to be mine?”
Sookie: “Not really. But thank you for asking.”

I love True Blood, but I find myself constantly miffed that episodes don’t stand alone in any way, shape or form — it’s all arc. But I suppose transformation was the common theme in this one: Eric, Jason, Jessica, Marnie.

And we start with Eric, of course

Eric is certainly not his usual arrogant self: shy smiles, ticklish feet, rambling confusedly in Swedish. I especially loved the way he clapped his hand over his mouth when his fangs popped out, the way Jessica does. Eric the baby vamp. Although he’s still vamp enough to make dust out of Claudine. (Quiet sigh of regret that we never got book Claudine, who was a lot more fun than this one was.) Did Claudine have good intentions or evil? Did Eric just save Sookie from being flambeed for dinner in Faerie, or would she have been safe there?

Even though she kept showing sympathy for Eric, Sookie certainly did her level best to offload him on to anyone else. But it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. Fangtasia is too dangerous. And the idiotic Alcide is back with Debbie. Maybe it’s me, but I don’t have a lot of confidence in Debbie’s capacity for genuine change.

The reveal of Eric’s cubby reminded me of Spike’s luxurious crypt in the sixth season of Buffy. And we all know why the writers gave Spike that luxurious crypt, now, don’t we? (Okay, if you’ve never seen Buffy, it was because Spike was about to get lucky with a certain blonde. Which gives me hope for Eric and Sookie.)

Panther Magic?

Poor Jason. Is he really turning into a panther as well as an involuntary father, or is he dying? You know, I bet the old Jason would have been turned on by the prospect of a line of nubile young things waiting to have sex with him. Instead, it was actually pretty creepy. Generation Jason in Hotshot. After all the sleeping around he did in the past, it’s sort of karmic. I bet he’s sorry now that he ever made a pass at Crystal, because like Debbie Pelt, I sure don’t have a lot of confidence in Crystal’s intentions.

Regurgitated Ghost Mama and Ghost Daddy at the campfire reminded me of the storytelling in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. Except much weirder and a lot more gross.

Jessica and the Fortenberrys

So Tommy is planning to con Maxine. What a surprise. Hard to feel bad for her when she tried to kill Jessica. Except that Maxine may have been right about Jessica, whose thirst for blood and adventure just turned her into a manipulative liar. Poor Hoyt.

Except, again, that there’s something going on with that weird old doll. What is it? More witch stuff? Is Jessica acting this way because of a spell? And hey, who do we know who has a continually growing doll collection? It would be a pretty big coincidence if Maxine weren’t responsible for that doll. And hey, evil doll, Arlene’s devil baby, match made in, well, not heaven.

Marnie continues to confuse me

Marnie is trying to transform herself, too. Although I thought she already had. I’m still trying to get a handle on what’s going with her. That sacrifice scene was gross. I thought for sure she was about to cut something off. Is Marnie truly in the dark about what she did to Eric? Does that mean she can’t reverse it?

And did Bill deliberately put Eric in danger from the witches? That phone message didn’t sound like it, but I honestly can’t tell.

Bits and pieces:

— Alcide has a gorgeous new house. That seems to be a theme this season, too, since Sookie and Bill both have much different and improved houses.

— The vamp that Bill had executed was exposed on Vamps-Kill.com. And yes, it’s a real site created by HBO, although it says it can only be viewed in the United States.
http://www.vamps-kill.com/

— Eric apologized for “fang-raping” Sookie.

— Bill has gotten busy with Portia Bellefleur. I’m usually pretty careful not to mention book spoilers, but I really want to make a book reference here. But I’ll restrain myself. Argh!

— Steve Newlin has been missing for six months? Has that been mentioned before? At least we know he’s not in the basement at Fangtasia.

— I don’t think Ginger knows what “brujo” means.

— I liked that Jessica went to Bill with her problem. Bill told Jessica to “vamp up” with Hoyt.

— Andy continues to disappoint me. I used to sort of like Andy.

— Sookie was reading one of Charlaine Harris’ Harper Connolly novels.

— In this week’s hair report, Crystal managed to attain a whole new level of trashcan chic with those ratty homemade curlers.

— I just noticed that my cat Fox reacts to the theme song, “Bad Things.” His ears twitch back and he gets an odd look on his furry face.

— Halloween is next week? Please tell me we’re going to get a True Blood Halloween episode. Pretty please with sugar on it?

Quotes:

Eric: “I know I’m a vampire, Snooki.”
Sookie: “It’s Sookie!”
Seriously LOL.

Witch: “What does he think this is? Nazi Germany?”
Other Witch: “He did look kind of Aryan.”

Jessica: “Bill, I am not stupid. I’m just unfaithful.”

Jason’s voicemail: “You’ve reached Officer Jason Stackhouse. If this is an emergency, dial 9-1-1 and ask for me.”

Andy: “God grant me the serenity… fuck it.”
Yeah, I most certainly agree that addiction is not funny. Except this made me laugh.

Pam: “I will give you twenty-four hours to deliver that witch to me. And if you don’t, I will personally eat, fuck and kill all three of you.”

Sookie: “You just killed my fairy godmother!”
Eric: (abashed) “Sorry.”

Fun episode to watch, with the usual quotient of outrageous. Three out of four nubile female werepanthers,

Billie Doux

(Billie Doux and her contributing writers review science fiction, fantasy and cult television shows at BillieDoux.com.)