Dear Pam, What’s In A Face, Er, Name?

Dear Pam,

It’s been simply ages since we’ve spoken and after seeing you the other night, I thought I’d re-connect and see if we can catch up. Although you seemed a bit distracted, and it was difficult to really see you beneath that veil you were wearing, I hope you will feel up to a chat at Starbucks next week.

Oh and dear, I don’t mean to be insulting or rude, but you might try switching up your anti-perspirant deodorant or shower gel. The one you’re using now is somewhat less than flattering, if you get my meaning. Don’t worry, no one seemed to notice but me, and maybe it was because I was standing so close to you. There was a decidedly sour aroma attached to you. Perhaps you need a Tic-Tac?

Also, I don’t think your false eyelash adhesive was working very well. I noticed that one had dropped to the ground as we were talking. I didn’t want to embarrass you, so I just let it pass. Just like I pretended not to notice the fingernail that flew off as you were waving your hand around when describing last night’s dinner. It’s nothing to fall apart over, however, you may want to consider shopping around for a new salon. I can give you the names of a couple of my personal favorites.

I should really get going here, as I have some pressing engagements and I’m sure you do as well. Do let’s pencil in a time for coffee and a good chat next week. I’m just dying to know what you’ve been up to lately, and perhaps you’ll be ready to come out from under that veil. I heard someone mention ‘beekeeper’ but your lovely dress didn’t sync up, so I imagine he was referring to someone else.

You take care of yourself now, and I’ll be in touch soon!

Your gal-pal,

Liz

P.S. Forgot to mention that your hair extensions may need to be replaced as well. I noticed one at your feet as I was admiring your drop-dead gorgeous, new Jimmy Choo’s. Those are to die for, girrrl!