Recap 5.1 True Blood “Turn! Turn! Turn!”

Pam: “There is dirt in my bra.”

True Blood is back! Gooey, exploding corpses and gratuitous nudity (mostly male) everywhere.

Could Eric please come by and clean my apartment?

I was thinking that if there was a hint of life in Tara, Bill and/or Eric would show up (in response to Sookie’s distress) and save her. I didn’t expect it to be Pam, and I didn’t expect them to make Tara a vampire. As we neared the end of the episode, I thought, no, please don’t do something as cliched as having Tara’s eyes open at the last moment. Popping out of her grave like a jack-in-the-box was better, and yes, Pam as Tara’s mom was unexpected and interesting (and it’ll probably be hilarious), but couldn’t they have just written Tara out? And how come vampires can bring people back from the dead?

Lafayette lost the two people he loved most at the same time, and I was worried that he would indeed take his own life. The way Sookie and Lafayette supported each other through their mutual grief and despair was the best part of this Tara thing. But what happened to Jesus’s body? Did a vampire come by and turn him, too? (I want to make a quip about him turning up in three days, but I’ll restrain myself.)

After four seasons at each other’s throats, it was great fun to see Eric and Bill bonding the way they did: killing in tandem, trapped in a car trunk as “Silly Love Songs” was playing (which reminded me of a scene in Forever Knight), and wordlessly deciding together on an explosive escape attempt. And surprise — I liked Eric’s “sister” Nora immediately. Too bad her undercover status with Authority was just blown when they were taken captive.

Speaking of fun new vampires, it was great seeing Steve Newlin coming out of the closet, not once but twice. (We all knew he wasn’t that interested in Sarah’s pudding.) Steve said he was changed by a strange woman, and Pam said that Tara wasn’t the first vampire she’d made. Can we come to the obvious conclusion that Eric ordered Pam to turn Steve?

Poor Jason now has vampires coming on to him, right and left. Okay, “male, female, and otherwise.” While Jessica was hanging out with college kids, partying in Bill’s “palace” and having a blast (yes, she’s a cherry bomb), Jason was turning down passes from pretty college girls. Jason has grown up so much and become so likeable. Is he actually in love with Jessica?

Meanwhile, Sam was ready to sacrifice himself to protect Luna and her daughter Emma as well as Alcide, which was really cool of him. (I guess the character assassination of Sam that included a double murder is now officially over.) Much like Sookie and Lafayette, it was nice to see that their experiences have made solid friends out of Sam and Alcide. And the pack stuff was intense. (Really. Marcus’s mother chowing down on his intestines? Did they have to do that? Do actual wolves do that?) I usually find the werewolf stuff dull, but a power struggle might be interesting. As long as Alcide continues to come out on top.

So the one big thing I came away with was, wow, that was a whole lot of set up, a plethera of plotlines. Can they do justice to this many, or will this season be like the earlier ones — so much going on that the characters I love most don’t get enough screen time? Specifically — couldn’t they just eliminate whatever is going on with Terry and Arlene, and make them the supporting characters they were supposed to be? And why didn’t they write Tara out completely?

At least I am happy to report that, as a major fan of the books, I didn’t recognize any of these many, many plotlines. Not one. I was ready for that, so yay.

Bits and pieces:

— Sookie admitted to Lafayette that she wanted to kill Debbie. Sookie’s experiences have changed her.

— Massive cleaning job in the Stackhouse kitchen, where way too many people have died. Lemons on top of ammonia on top of bleach. Was that Debbie’s tooth on the floor?

— The zombie spell on Pam died with Marnie. Good.

— Many many naked guys. Even Chris Bauer did a nude scene, and Holly’s two sons walked in on them. Wade and Rocky. Wade and Rocky?

— Bill and Eric got pseudonyms they didn’t get a chance to use: Marcellus Clark and Ike Applebaum.

— Apparently, the fire that burned Terry and Arlene’s place (which was really Sam’s, since he was their landlord) had nothing to do with the ghost stuff. Terry’s friend Patrick lost everything in a fire, too.

— In this week’s hair report, LaLa got rid of all of his hair, something people in mourning often do. Jessica had a green streak. Everyone else looked pretty much the same.

— Russell Edgington is out of the cement and on the loose. Can’t wait to see him.

Quotes:

Sookie: “I’ll owe you one.”
Pam: “One what?”
It was mostly Kristen Bauer’s delivery that made that one funny.

Steve Newlin: “I swear it to you and I swear it to God, I am not here to hurt you. All I want is to talk.”
Jason: “See, you say that, but I seen your fangs. And I’ve been around the block enough times to know that fangs are basically like twin hard-ons.”

Pam: “I’m wearing a Walmart sweatsuit for you all. If that’s not a demonstration of team spirit, I don’t know what is.”

Steve Newlin: “I’m a gay vampire American. And I love you, Jason Stackhouse.”

Eric: “We fight like siblings, but we fuck like champions.”
Come on. Did they have to jump on the incest bandwagon and have Eric call Nora his sister? She’s not his sister!

I don’t expect Chekov from True Blood. It’s what it is, and I enjoy it for what it is. (Basically, it’s like sexy popcorn.) Three out of four Walmart sweatsuits,

Billie Doux

(Billie Doux and her contributing writers review science fiction, fantasy and cult television shows at BillieDoux.com.)