Recap 5.9 True Blood “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”

Eric: “You’d better get back to slaughtering people in the name of God.”

Lots of plotlines this season, yes. But most of them have been revolving around the same theme: humans that think supes are subhuman, and supes who, like people, are all over the map. Surprisingly, two big plot threads were actually resolved in this episode. I hadn’t expected that.

Everyone who theorized that Bud Dearborne’s girlfriend was the Dragon behind the supe shooters should pat themselves on the back. Bud and his sweetie, whose name is actually Sweetie, decided to start a KKK-like “keep America human” movement, because of course, that always ends well. Our human heroes Andy and Jason, together with our shifter heroes Sam and Luna, saved the day as well as the lives of Sookie and Hoyt. I think the best part was Sam fighting while stark naked, and Luna beating the crap out of Sweetie. Go, Luna.

It’s ironic that Andy thinks he’s a bad cop and a poor successor to Bud when actually, Andy is the best he’s ever been. Sad that he had to shoot Bud, though.

Bud was the one who found the bodies of the Stackhouses twenty years ago, and he said they were indeed killed by vampires, just as the striptease fairies told Sookie. And vampires really are planning to take over the world, just as they told her. Maybe this particular group of fairies really are the good guys. Lafayette even confirmed that Gran was glad the fairies were watching over Sookie. Although Lafayette uncovering the clue under the bed nearly got Sookie killed.

The second resolved plotline was Terry’s, and actually, I thought it ended particularly well. Terry saying goodbye to Arlene was truly sweet. And Arlene taking down Patrick was satisfying, although I didn’t like seeing Terry kill in cold blood. I hope the Ifrit and any associated plotlines are now gone for good. Yeah, that’ll happen.

Meanwhile back at Authority HQ, I was bummed when Bill betrayed Eric. (And just when I thought those two were finally becoming BVFFs.) Bill does appear to have that manic Lilith glow in his eyes, but is he truly a convert or does he have a bigger anti-Authority long game? I’m not a huge Bill fan, but I’d hate to see him go that way after all the time he spent living down his evil past.

Plus I’ve always been convinced that Bill truly does love Sookie. “What about Sookie? She just food to you now?” I guess she is. At least that would leave the field clear for my favorite vampire, Eric. I’m really enjoying Eric acting heroically. And I loved his scene with Molly. I hope Molly survives the season.

The other big development was the arrival of Alcide’s father in the form of sci-fi icon Robert Patrick, complete with a flashback to Herveaux senior as packmaster, and Alcide and Debbie Pelt as teenagers choosing pack over individuality. Segue to Russell and his new honey Steve Newlin (I just love the two of them as a couple) arriving to take over the Shreveport pack, as expected.

And now Steve has the werepuppy he’s always wanted. I bet our hero shifters Luna and Sam will have something to say about that.

But wait! There’s more:

— Pam was smart to keep serving Tru-Blood at Fangtasia, and acting like nothing was wrong. Unfortunately, the new sheriff just showed up and told all the vamps to “grab a human. Drinks are on me.” Somehow, I suspect he’s met his match in Pam and Tara.

— Martha was the only were in the Shreveport pack to stand up to Russell. Go, Martha. I’ve become a Martha fan. Is it easier for the actors to work with a half-grown puppy than a little girl?

— Steve Newlin has gone so far from his religious roots that he recited a limerick prayer over that poor guy chained to the dinner table.

— When Alcide came by his father’s trailer, Herveaux senior, the gambler, was watching dog racing. Love the little details on this show.

— The good continuity award goes to Sweetie’s minions torching that house in season one, and a return to the boots at Bud’s retirement party.

— Sweetie Des Arts was a book character whose name fans of the book probably would have recognized, so it was smart of them to keep the character under wraps for so long. I loved the little detail that Sweetie’s husband left her for a were-racoon.

— Gran guiding Sookie to the box under the bed (through Lafayette) reminded me of another book plot involving a fairy object, but no. I’m being intentionally vague here so as not to post book spoilers, so remember, no book spoilers. 🙂

Bits and pieces:

— Three of the five Tru-Blood factories are no more: Houston, Japan and Kuwait.

— I didn’t get anything at keepamericahuman.com.

— Loved Jason’s framed report card.

— Vampires don’t poop. Do they pee?

— Salome danced for Bill. Wow, that was some outfit. Why is she fixated on Bill?

Quotes:

Steve: “Here’s a tried and true one from my human days. ‘There once was a cock and a hen, who gave lunch to a goose in a pen. Good lord, said the goose, bless this food for our use, and us to thy service. Amen.”

Eric: (to Molly) “Oh, please. I’m a thousand years older than you. Put the baby fangs away before you piss me off.”

Eric: “I don’t speak techie. Translate.”
Molly: “We’re totally fucking fucked. Unless…”
Eric: “Unless what?”
Molly: “Probably a really stupid idea and it’ll probably get you killed.”
Eric: “Sounds perfect.”

Lafayette: “The rest of y’all? I ain’t Gmail for dead bitches. Send your own goddam messages.”

Sam: “You’re really fucking annoying!”
Luna: “And you’re old fashioned and surprisingly sexist.”

Pam: “There are two things I try to stay away from: humans who eat a lot of fish, and politics. So whatever comes next, we keep our heads down, our tits up, and the Tru Blood flowing. Understand?”

Pam: “Just because we drank a bitch together does not make us Oprah and Gayle. Get the fuck back to work.”
Tara: “Suck me, vampire barbie.”
I now love these two together. Who knew? Although they’ll never be a replacement for the relationship between Eric and Pam. And Pam knows it, too.

Lafayette: “Dead folk, why y’all gotta be so cryptic? It ain’t cute.”

Idiot reporter: “Sheriff Bellefleur! Is it true that Barack Obama is actually behind the recent unsolved shootings and the kidnapping of a local vampire?”
Andy: (sarcastically) “No, the president of the United States is not actually in Reynard parish shooting and kidnapping people.”

Sweetie: “She sure as shit ain’t human. She’s a mind reader with electric fingers and a fetish for fangers. If that ain’t a supe, I don’t know what the hell is.”

Russell: “Did you think my blood was free? You silly, silly dog.”

It looks like Russell, the Authority plot and the Stackhouse murder mystery will be the focus of the final episodes this season, and that’s fine with me. How many limerick prayers out of four?

Billie Doux

(Billie Doux and her contributing writers review science fiction, fantasy and cult television shows at BillieDoux.com.)