Recap: “Beyond Here Lies Nothin’”

Maryann: “Come on. It’ll be our little secret. What are you?”
Sookie: “I’m a waitress. What the fuck are you?”

Wildly weird. Or maybe weirdly wild. The season roared to a finish halfway through the episode… and then it sort of fizzled out as they spent way too much time prepping us for season three, creating something of an anticlimax. I feel cheated.

Okay, I was happy with a lot of it. The Maryann plotline hasn’t held me like the Fellowship stuff, but the ending was certainly satisfying and fun to watch. I loved Sam’s extraordinary heroism and sacrifice, and his secret alliance with Bill that saved the day. Night. Whatever.

The wedding/sacrifice scenes culminating in Maryann’s death by bull were visually striking and so full of over-the-top symbolism that I almost don’t know where to start. Licking the egg was just nuts. (So glad it was just an ostrich egg and nothing more wildly fantastic and unbelievable.) The phallic, bloody sacrificial knife. The horn piercing Maryann’s wedding dress. In the end, before collapsing in a mess of black goo, Maryann was somewhat pathetic — an ancient bride longing for her god who will never, ever come.

Tara said it didn’t feel like it was over. I hope it is, though. I’ve had enough. Maybe Tara was referring to poor Eggs, who just committed suicide by cop. Except it was suicide by Jason. (It was good of Andy to cover for Jason the way he did.)

Was Sookie remarkably strong all of a sudden with the purple electric hands and all? And how about that little off-hand comment about Sookie’s blood being addictive, too? After the revelation about Eric’s blood, I had wondered if Sookie actually does love Bill. Now I’m wondering if Bill actually loves Sookie? (Since Eric hasn’t tasted Sookie, he may be the only one who is truly in touch with his feelings.)

Bill proposing after all that strange pseudo-wedding hoohah was odd timing and just didn’t work for me. Or Sookie, for that matter. Why wasn’t Sookie thrilled out of her mind? Why did she go into the bathroom and burst into tears? Is her fascination with Bill waning? (Please please please?) Bill was kidnapped by someone using a silver chain (and wearing gloves, pointing at someone undead.) I’m betting on Lorena, of course; lots of set-up for that. Although it could have been Eric, who told the Queen he’d “take care” of Bill.

Speaking of Eric… as the episode wound to a close, I was glancing at the clock and getting frustrated and muttering to myself. As hilarious as I found the very idea of Eric forced to play five million games of Yahtzee, I couldn’t believe that they set up all that stuff with Eric and the Queen and didn’t follow through. I’m not just all about the love triangle, honestly. I’m interested in Sookie’s powers. I want to know about Sam’s family. I’m deeply into Jessica and Hoyt’s star-crossed mother-trumping romance. But if they come back in season three and don’t do something major with Eric’s obsession with Sookie, I’m going to implode.

I was outright sad to see Jessica go off the rails, especially after she and Bill finally connected in such a sweet way. If only she had waited a bit longer until Hoyt showed up with the flowers. Although Hoyt needs more than a girlfriend. He needs to find himself first, not Jessica. For that matter, so does Jessica.

Bits and pieces:

– I thought Sam needed to see an animal in order to imprint on it? I suppose showing him going to some field and looking at a bull would have given the ending away. For that matter, I kept thinking Maryann would decide to sacrifice Sookie instead of the harder-to-find Sam. But no.

– Maryann’s statue represented the birth of her god. Apparently, the Titans ripped her god to shreds, leaving only his heart. It makes the hearts sort of make… well, no, it doesn’t make sense, it’s crazy, but okay.

– Andy got his badge back. He deserved it.

– The Queen is supplying the blood Lafayette is selling. Is it her own blood? Why would she do that?

– Whatever Sookie is, Jason isn’t. He wasn’t able to resist Maryann.

– Terry’s “warning” tee shirt was great.

– Crazy Jane Bodehouse got her finger sewn back on. That’s improbable, but okay.

– Vampire-human marriage is only legal in Vermont.

– I think the Queen really digs Eric.

– Charlaine Harris cameo in the bar. Very nice. Charlaine, I hope you’re making a ton of cash right now. You deserve it.

– Sam’s real parents are Melinda and Joe Lee Mickens, Magnolia, Ark. I’m sure we’ll be meeting them next season.

Quotes:

Queen: “I gave William Compton a few bits of hand-me-down folklore we’ve accumulated over the centuries, but who knows if it’s gospel or gorilla shit.”

Jason: “Hasta la vista, baby. I love the smell of nail polish in the morning.”

Sookie: “Okay, what is with the egg? Did you lay it?”

Bud: “You might have your faults, Andy. But at least you got pants on.”

Sookie: “How long before sunrise?”
Bill: “Forty-one minutes.”
Sookie: “Hold me for forty?”
That was sweet. It probably would have made a good ending.

Andy: “In my book, if no one thinks we’re heroes, it don’t count.”
Jason: “Of course it counts. It’s like, if a tree falls in the woods, it’s still a tree, ain’t it?”

Mrs. Merlotte: “We never thought we’d see you again.”
Sam: “Never say never when there’s the internet.”

I may not have been completely satisfied, but True Blood has been the best thing on television this summer. I can’t wait for next June. I’d say three out of four stakes. Not perfect, but there have been worse finales.

Billie
BillieDoux.com

All of my True Blood reviews are archived here.
(Season 2, episode 12)

Recap: Frenzy

Jason: “Sometimes you need to destroy something to save it. That’s in the Bible. Or the Constitution.”

I loved the Queen’s “day room” so, so much. It was luxurious and utterly weird, and it’s hard to pull off a combination like that. And it suited her, come to think of it, because the Queen is indeed luxurious and utterly weird. The Yahtzee game and some of the things she said were just hilarious. (She was cheating at Yahtzee. Who cheats at Yahtzee?)

Why does the Queen know who Sookie is? How close are the Queen and Bill? Or was it just because the Queen’s “human” is Sookie’s cousin Hadley? Queen, yes, I get it, hard to make excuses and get away, but why didn’t Bill leave sooner? Sookie obviously needed him in Bon Temps, even though she wasn’t in danger at the time. At least Bill now knows how to take down a maenad. I think.

We finally know why Maryann targeted Bon Temps: Tara’s ordeal with Miss Jeanette opened the door. That even makes sense. I’m among the scads of fans who are tired of the Maryann plot, though. I wonder if they should have held back the crazy for awhile, and accelerated later in the season? Character actor William Sanderson (Bud) doing a square dance half naked may have been my favorite black-eye scene, period. There could have been a lot more of that instead of all the orgies.

I totally understood what Sookie said about her house being defiled. She’s had a terrible time lately, and what Maryann has done to her house is probably like bitter frosting on a really awful cake. Sacrilege. That scene on the kitchen floor was pretty funny, though, with Sookie braining Mike the coroner with a saucepan.

Jason is now convinced that God sent him to the leadership conference so that he could save Bon Temps. Who knows? Maybe he’s right. His speculations about Sam were too funny; I laughed throughout that entire Jason/Andy conversation in the truck. Note how all of Jason’s theories about what Sam can do in animal form had to do with sex. I also loved how Andy called Jason a damn fool, and Jason promptly walked into a tree.

Sam was terrific. He told Jason and Andy the truth about himself. He took care of Arlene’s kids. He went to Eric for help. And for me, Eric was the highlight of the episode. Children, yum. Teacup humans. Taking off straight up into the air, but only after carefully buttoning his suit coat. I even loved the self-conscious way he kept trying to make his hair lie down flat post-flight while he was arguing with Bill.

And hey. Gorgeous grey suit. Yowsa. Not that I didn’t like the black tank top.

A great big egg? Really? What is it? A dinosaur egg? The future “god” imagining itself into existence? Did Daphne pop one out before she died after a romp around town as an ostrich? I found myself hoping it was just really weird performance art, because this is getting way too bizarre.

I take brief notes when I watch the show, and looking at part of last night’s made me laugh out loud:

grey suit
Eric can fly!
house is defiled
vamps eating kids
Yahtzee

Bits and pieces:

– For Hoyt, blood turned out to be thicker than… well, this metaphor isn’t going to work on a show with vampires, but Jessica shouldn’t have gotten between Hoyt and his mother. At least not this early in their relationship. I hope it’s not over for those two crazy kids.

– Eric confronted Bill about giving Sookie blood the night they met, and Bill actually looked guilty.

– Sookie and Lafayette are both dreaming about Eric. Lafayette is clearly not having as much fun, though. Eric as Lettie Mae was just too disturbing. How am I supposed to fantasize about a hot vampire when he’s in a church lady dress?

– Lettie Mae shot cats with her BB gun. And she chose the worst possible time to listen to Tara. Typical.

– Tara was an utter idiot. Yes, she’s in love, but she was an idiot.

– Lafayette just killed Karl. And replaced him as Maryann’s chef, unfortunately.

– Potato chips, Snickers, and hot sauce casserole. Gah. And poor Hoyt just found out his father killed himself. It hasn’t been a good day for Hoyt.

– I particularly liked the subtle way that Bill cringed a little every time the Queen said something obscene or profane. He was freaked when she said they should have sex, but didn’t let it show. Much.

– Hadley doesn’t know Gran is dead, and Bill didn’t tell her.

– Lafayette has fuzzy purple handcuffs. Of course he does.

Quotes:

Jessica: “Did you hear all those nasty things she said about you? And me?”
Hoyt: “She’s my mama! She gets to! Where the hell are you from?”

Queen: “What gives you the right to say no to the femoral blood of a good woman? You know what your problem is, William? You are a snob. I hate snobs. Tiny tiny souls. Or penises. Or both.” That was pretty insulting.

Jason: “I read a book about this. This is Armageddon. This is the oral history of the zombie war.” I honestly don’t know where Jason came up with that one.

Cop: “Chinese fire drill?”
Jason: “Russian roulette.”

Sam: “Hopefully someday I might be able to give you something you need.”
Eric: “Can you give me Sookie Stackhouse?”
Pam rolled her eyes. Is she jealous?

Eric: “Come on, Pam. They’re funny. They’re like humans, but miniature. Teacup humans.” Okay, much to do on the True Blood discussion list about Eric chomping on kids. But note that he didn’t say they were delicious in English; it was in Swedish. I choose to believe he was joking with Pam, and said it in Swedish so as not to scare the kids.

Queen: “It seems your friend Mr. Northman is here.”
Bill: “It’s definitely time for me to go.”
Queen: “This alpha male posturing. You two really should just fuck each other and get it over with. I could watch.”
This reminded me of Buffy telling Spike to wrestle it out with Angel, and oil of some kind being involved.

Another witty, fast moving episode. Three out of four stakes,

Billie
BillieDoux.com

(Season 2, episode 11)

RECAP: True Blood 210 “New World in My View”

Maryann: “What are you?”
Sookie: “None of your business!”

Welcome home, Sookie!  Candles on the floor, dirt smeared on the walls, sacrificial altar in the front yard… I’ve heard of roommates trashing the place, but this is ridiculous. What the heck was the zapping that Sookie gave Maryann?  Sookie was as surprised as Maryann was.  (Yes, I’ve read the books, so please — no book spoilers in the comments!)

Jason saved the day *again*.  He won the battle of Merlotte’s by using his tiny brain, like his sister told him to. And Jason as the god, with the mask and gloves, was quite possibly the funniest thing I’ve seen yet on this show.  I especially loved Andy holding up the “horns” behind him.

Apparently, Maryann’s end game is to sacrifice the entire town of Bon Temps to her god, starting with Sam.  (Arlene said the gift of Sam would bring “him” into this world.)  All the good, bad and otherwise citizens have been literally blinded — Jason walked into Merlotte’s with a chainsaw and a nail gun, and no one even noticed.  At least we know now that they can be fooled and subverted, even though Terry fought the effect when Arlene was in danger. And Sookie and Bill together, with a combination of telepathy and glamour, were able to retrieve Tara from the brink.  They can’t do that one by one to everybody in town, though.

The altar with the rotting food on it was just disgusting.  Rather cross-like, too, and very much a parallel to what the Fellowship was planning for Godric.  In fact, Sam, like Godric, was willing to sacrifice himself to save his friends.  He cares about the people in his town.  I think that was a big self-revelation for Sam, who has always seen himself as not only an outsider, but outside the human race. Probably why he couldn’t bring himself to leave, too.  I have really liked what they’ve done with Sam this season.

I have to give the actress credit, because Maxine Fortenberry under the influence was extremely funny as well as ooky, and Jessica’s frustration with her was even funnier.  Did Jessica just blow her chances at being the future Mrs. Fortenberry?  I can imagine Hoyt forgiving a lot, but probably not matricide-in-law.

What can the Queen of Louisiana do?  Is there a vampire National Guard?  Please, your highness, I beg you to send in the sheriff of area 5. I got used to Eric’s presence.  A brief, albeit wonderful dream sequence was better than no Eric at all, but not enough for me.

(Please send Pam, too; it’s been too long since we’ve seen her.)

Bits and pieces:

– Bill did his best, but Maryann is unbite-able. Which we sort of already knew, given what happened in “Scratches.”

– Maryann said Bill would leave Sookie cold.  Was that a threat or a prophecy?

– You know, I’m fine with Christian symbolism, but I’d prefer that it didn’t go too far in that direction.  Ancient Greek religions aren’t devil worship.

– Andy had a nanny called Annie.

– Sam in nothing but an apron was, um, well, that was something. He seemed more naked with the apron on than without it.  I wonder if Sam Trammell knew how many nude scenes he’d be doing when he signed on.

– Loved the Queen’s “palace.”  It was exotic and weird, as one might expect from a vampire queen’s abode.

– Okay, sorry, but I have to talk about Eric again. Bill told Sookie she would have a physical reaction to Eric’s blood, but it’s obviously not just sexual.  In both dream sequences, it was about love. Very romantic.

Quotes:

Andy: “This whole town’s going down the crapper.”

Jessica: “Thank God you’re home. She’s gone, like, totally batshit.”

Sookie: “The new waitress at Merlottes?”
Jason: “There’s a new waitress at Merlottes?”
Bill: “We should talk to her.”
Hoyt: “She’s dead. She had her heart cut out just like the other one.”
Sookie: “Fudge.”

Lafayette: “Jesus and I agreed to see other people. That don’t mean we don’t still talk from time to time.” Best line in the episode.  I really liked how Lafayette put this.

Lettie Mae: “If I hadn’t left such a hole in this girl, maybe whatever’s in there wouldn’t have crawled in.”  Lettie Mae actually kinda sorta redeemed herself.  Almost.

Jason: “If we’re gonna get out of here, we’re gonna need even a bigger divergence.”
Jason: “What’s he saying? I can’t hear inside this thing.”
Andy: “I don’t know.”
Sam: (louder) “Smite me, Lord!”
Jason: “I don’t even know what you’re saying, man.”
Sam: (yelling) “Smite me, motherfucker!”

Andy: “That’s the last drink I’ll ever take.”

Bill: “You have to do exactly as I say.”
Tara: “I’m not your fucking slave girl.”
Lafayette: “If ever there was a time to listen to a white man, Tara, this’d be it.”

I didn’t go for this episode quite as much as the last one; I think the Fellowship/Godric side of the plot has done more for me than what’s been going on in Bon Temps. But it was still a strong, exciting, fun episode. Three out of four stakes,

Billie Doux

Billie Doux writes episode reviews and articles about sci-fi, fantasy and cult television shows at BillieDoux.com.

RECAP: True Blood 209 “I Will Rise Up”

Sookie: “You big lying A hole!”
Eric: “Bill, you’re right. I believe I can sense her emotions.”

Eric, Eric, Eric. What is it with me and those blond bad boy vampires? We saw two distinct sides of him here: a deeply emotional side, as well as an extremely naughty side.

Godric’s suicide was surprisingly moving, as well as terribly painful for Eric. I even cried a little, as much for Godric himself as for Eric’s pain at losing him. Eric may think he doesn’t know what love is, but he is certainly capable of depth of feeling. And I’m sure he was grateful that Sookie was there for Godric in the end.

It’s difficult to tell what Eric truly feels for Sookie. He did cover her with his own body so that she wouldn’t get hurt, no matter what his motivation was. (And could anyone, even a vampire as devious as Eric, think several chess moves ahead that quickly? As in, omigod a grenade is about to go off, I’d better jump on top of Sookie so that I can get her to suck debris out of my chest?)

Was it dirty pool on Eric’s part? Absolutely. Is all fair in love and war? I guess it depends on whether or not Sookie still has free will, erotic dreams about Eric or no erotic dreams about Eric. (And hey, could I have one of those? Really? I actually watched that scene eight times, hoping to give my subconscious some hints.)

Seriously, though. Rewind that scene and listen to what Sookie and Eric are saying to each other. It was like a real conversation, not a dream conversation. They were so tender and honest with each other, so loving. Eric talked about it being their beginning. (And about how much he wants to turn her.) But note also that Lorena was sitting in the corner directing the whole thing. I don’t think that dream was all Eric. I think Lorena was using their new blood bond to get Sookie away from Bill.

In fact, this blood bond thing made me wonder if Sookie’s relationship with Bill was actually real. She drank a lot of his blood, not once but twice. Are any human/vamp romantic relationships real? Does this explain why vampires are so sexually attractive to humans — is it just a mere chemical reaction? Does it explain why Jason had that weird dream about Eddie? Is Lafayette currently having erotic dreams about Eric, too?

I doubt that Sookie hates Eric as much as she says she does; it feels like she doth protest too much. It’s common for two characters fighting a strong attraction to each other to spar with words, after all. She touched Eric’s hand when he was leaving the roof, too. I don’t think she would have done that if she genuinely hated him. (And good on her for being sharp enough to realize what Godric was going to do. Sookie is no brainless cupcake.)

Love triangles are good. I’m all for love triangles. In fact, this one is intriguing me so much that I almost wished the wanton destruction of Bon Temps would just go away. But I really did love two things about this week’s installment: Lafayette storming in to kidnap Tara, and Sam literally as a fly on the wall. What clever writing. (The fly, I mean.) Andy didn’t even blink an eyelash when Sam showed up stark naked. He must be getting used to the crazy.

Finally (Hoyt and Jessica seem to be constantly relegated to the end of my reviews, even though I love them) I knew bringing Jessica home to meet Mama was going to be a huge mistake. Maxine tried, but she just couldn’t resist being nasty to Jessica. That’s not love, that’s smotherhood. Not a surprise that the toasted cheese and potato chip sandwiches just aren’t working any more. It’s rather sweet how good Jessica has been for Hoyt. What a lovely little subplot this has been.

Bits and pieces:

– Eric’s black tank top was perfect for bullet-suckage. I should have realized they had Alexander Skarsgard wearing it for more than just my viewing pleasure.

– We got a truly lovely Sookie/Jason moment. He apologized for everything, and that couldn’t have been easy for him.

– Stan was killed, along with two other vamps and two humans. And goodbye, Luke MacDonald. He had the mentality of a fanatic, and Steve Newlin literally used him to death. It’s hard to feel sorry for him, but it shouldn’t have happened.

– Maryann noted that it was easy to take Bud over. I think that explains why there were so many orgies that we got tired of them: she was using them to gradually take over most of the town. (It was also easy to take over Hoyt’s mother, Maxine. Maybe it’s a simple minded thing, huh?)

– Tara is an adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA), like me. She doesn’t like being out of control and I think she’s starting to fight it. Despite the circumstances, it was fun seeing Tara attack Lettie Mae.

– I thought a small dog and an owl were both pushing it as far as body mass is concerned, but a fly? Okay, it’s magic, I just need to adjust and move on.

– Merlotte’s is becoming a sort of sick tourist attraction. The murder capital of northern Louisiana.

– Isabel is now Sheriff of area nine in Texas. I like Isabel. The now late Stan was an idiot. Especially since he admitted to killing papa Newlin.

– The Newlins were wearing matching outfits again. Red and black this time. Were they deliberately wearing vampire colors?

– What sort of position does Nan have? Bureaucrat? A representative of the vamp kings and queens?

Quotes:

Eric: “Suck it out.”
Sookie: “Eric, I can’t. It’s too gross, and it’s… you.”
Eric: “Dy… dying.”
Sookie: “Son of a mother…”

Sarah: “We are fighting for God’s green earth. And daytime, and Christmas, and Easter Eggs, and all that is sacred and good. We are fighting for…”
Steve: “Human rights. Human rights!”
Sarah: “May I finish my thought?”
Steve: “What? You were done.”
Sarah: “If he’s not the center of attention, he just flips out.”

Arlene: “It was a walk-in refrigerator. And you are one sick buzzard. Go find some road kill ’cause you ain’t eating here.”

Arlene: “Oh, come on. Coby will eat cat food if you put mayo on it.”

Arlene: “Terry, please quit being so much more peculiar than you usually are.”

Maxine: “Who do you think you’re talking to?”
Hoyt: “My mama. Who hates Methodists.”
Maxine: “I got my reasons.”
Hoyt: “And Catholics.”
Maxine: “Just priests and nuns.”
Hoyt: “African Americans.”
Maxine: “Hush. That’s a secret.”

Dream Sookie: “There’s love in you.”
Dream Eric: “Only for Sookie.”

Maryann: “The god who comes demands his sacrifice. Where is Sam Merlotte?”

Godric: “A human with me at the end, and human tears. Two thousand years, and I can still be surprised.” Quite a memorable character. Good job, sir.

Four out of four stakes,

Billie

Billie Doux writes episode reviews of sci-fi, fantasy and cult  television shows. All her reviews can be found here: http://www.billiedoux.com/